"The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog".

I had a rather eventful evening yesterday. First & foremost, I passed all my exams. I now have a degree. I can't believe it. I'm so happy. Happy isn't the right word - "elated" maybe?

Also, went out a lovely walk along the canal last night with Malibu & her two very boisterous Springer Spaniels. We walked about 2 miles & everything was great until the pup decided it was a good idea to jump off the embankment into the canal, but he couldn't get back out. He was paddling in the water asking us with pleading eyes to help him, but no no matter how much we tried we couldn't reach his collar to pull him out. He began to panic, so we coaxed him along to a lower area on the embankment. I am stronger than Malibu, so I said i'd get him. Leaning over the side, I almost lost my balance & toppled into the canal. Now that would have been hilarious. The worst was yet to come. We coaxed the dog a little further along the canal, but the oldest of the dogs (the father) knew the pup was in trouble, so he dived in to help, but then he was trapped too. I had to ease my way down the embankment, my feet actually in the water, reach as far as was possible & coax the dogs to come to me. I managed to catch hold of the oldest dog's collar & yank him out, using all the strength I had in me, then I got hold of the lttle one & pulled him to safety. As the two dogs ran easily up the embankment, unscathed by the whole event, they decided to shake the water off their coats, BUT at the same time, give me a bath. I was left more traumatised than the dogs. All Malibu could do was giggle.

Rather an eventful evening - I get my degree & I'm a hero. All in all, a good night I think.

Just Never Think What's In Your Heart...

Sitting at this moment in time listening to the sultry, smooth tones of Robert Pattinson (a.k.a. Edward Cullen in Twilight). There are actual tears cascading from my eyes. His voice takes my breath away. I always get overly emotional when i'm sitting alone in the early hours of the morning & then I get creative & then I blog.

I've been giving much thought to what I want at this point in my life. (The last post was indicative of that). I'm 21 & the years are passing too quickly. The days flash by. I wish I could stop time, so I could take a breath & try to work what direction my life is going in, where I'm headed & if i'm walking in the right direction. Am I on the right path? What's in my heart?

I know the man that I want to be with in the present. But things with him aren't always easy. Sometimes I struggle to be myself around him & other times it feels like he knows the "real" me more than anyone. When I think of him, my heart & my head battle. My heart screams "He's the one" & that we would be a perfect fit, but my head whispers "He's not good for you. He will hurt you" & that we could never make each other truely happy. However, there is another factor to consider in this war - my body. When i'm around him, it wins the battle. Every nerve-ending in my body tingles. I'm drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I can't control my body. It cries out. It craves his touch. I'm so sexually attracted to him. I honestly don't know what is right for me. Is he right for me?

Is sexual attraction enough? Is it only sexual what I feel for him? I'm going to answer "No" at this point in time. It has to be more than sexual attraction. I'm sexaully attracted to the Charming Australian who frequents my work. He utters one word - "G'Day" - & my knees go weak, I struggle to put words together & my heart races. Even passing him in the car earlier tonight left me all hot & bothered. That is sexual attraction. I barely know anything about him but I want him so badly. Knowing what I feel for him is easy. Completely sexual. Maybe that is what I should be looking for at the moment. FUN!!! When I saw him today I felt giddy. I giggled. It felt good. In fact, it felt amazing. No worries, no consequences - just fun!!!

But maybe I want something more - LOVE??? It's so much harder with the other guy. It's not always fun. It sometimes hurts, but that's what happen when you feel more deeply about someone. It's painful when you can't be with them when you crave it so much. Also, there are more people involved & it could cause problems. Yes, I have the same emotions for him as I do with the Charming Aussie, but there is more. I could quite happily sit & talk to him for hours about absolutely nothing. It feels comfortable, as natural as breathing. I want to get to know him. I want to find out everything about him - the good & the bad. I want to know what makes him smile & what makes him cry. I want to be there for him no matter what. I care about him. What I feel for him has to be more than sexual attraction? Doesn't it? But do I want more than just sex with him, if it means I could end up getting my heart broken?

Maybe I need the fun that the Charming Aussie brings in to my life...

So Confused!!! What do I want?

It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowled

I have been so naive. I lived my teenage years with the belief that I didn't want to have sex until I was married. I very much had faith that the view I held was the right thing for me. I didn't want to look back on my "first-time" & regret it. However, one solitary night at the end of last year, turned my whole world upside down & changed my perspective forever.

I want to clarify one thing first, before I go any further. I still hold my virginity, but I came within seconds of giving it to him & I don't guard it so protectively now. I will give it to him willingly whenever he asks.

Being with him changed everything & my life can never go back to the way it was before that night. I wouldn't want it to. Feeling his touch, the gentle tips of his fingers dancing on my skin, his eager hands exploring my body. Having his strong, protective arms embrace me, his smooth lips moving in harmony with mine, the taste of his deepening kiss. Having the weight of his perfect body pressed carefully down upon me. His hand moving slowly over my waist, tracing along my hip & down my leg, around my knee. His hand curling around my calf, pulling my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip. Feeling his warm breath against my neck. Hearing his dulcet, comforting tones whispering softly & reassuringly in my ear, with his warm, comforting flesh against mine. I barely knew him, but looking in his eyes it all felt right. It felt perfect. Like everything had finally fallen into place. I was exactly where I was supposed to be, with the man I wanted to be with.

That night has to be the best night of my life, no other night could ever come close. I have never been so perfectly content. Being with him, I lost all sense of time & place. It felt as if I had lived my life, until that night, lost in a dark abyss & that he was my salvation, my guiding light out of the darkness.

I felt like I was alive for the very first time. That I had taken my first breath. To be so vulnerable, yet still feel completely safe. If this is how it feels to come so close to having sex then I want the whole thing. I want it all. I want him. I don't want to wait anymore. I have lived too long in the shadows...

Promises are like the full moon, if they are not kept at once they diminish day by day.

As you can all see, my promise of writing as often as possible for the last year was broken. It disappeared in a huge puff of smoke. Life gets in the way. Sadly.

So much changed in the last year. I have finished 3rd year at Uni. I honestly don't know where the time has went. Lisa is engaged & pregnant. Steven is amazing. I love him so much for making her happy. (They won't mind me using their names).

Other things have happened that have changed my whole perspective of the world. I will explian in my next post.

I'm not going to make any promises about my blogging in future. I will blog when I feel the need to