It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowled

I have been so naive. I lived my teenage years with the belief that I didn't want to have sex until I was married. I very much had faith that the view I held was the right thing for me. I didn't want to look back on my "first-time" & regret it. However, one solitary night at the end of last year, turned my whole world upside down & changed my perspective forever.

I want to clarify one thing first, before I go any further. I still hold my virginity, but I came within seconds of giving it to him & I don't guard it so protectively now. I will give it to him willingly whenever he asks.

Being with him changed everything & my life can never go back to the way it was before that night. I wouldn't want it to. Feeling his touch, the gentle tips of his fingers dancing on my skin, his eager hands exploring my body. Having his strong, protective arms embrace me, his smooth lips moving in harmony with mine, the taste of his deepening kiss. Having the weight of his perfect body pressed carefully down upon me. His hand moving slowly over my waist, tracing along my hip & down my leg, around my knee. His hand curling around my calf, pulling my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip. Feeling his warm breath against my neck. Hearing his dulcet, comforting tones whispering softly & reassuringly in my ear, with his warm, comforting flesh against mine. I barely knew him, but looking in his eyes it all felt right. It felt perfect. Like everything had finally fallen into place. I was exactly where I was supposed to be, with the man I wanted to be with.

That night has to be the best night of my life, no other night could ever come close. I have never been so perfectly content. Being with him, I lost all sense of time & place. It felt as if I had lived my life, until that night, lost in a dark abyss & that he was my salvation, my guiding light out of the darkness.

I felt like I was alive for the very first time. That I had taken my first breath. To be so vulnerable, yet still feel completely safe. If this is how it feels to come so close to having sex then I want the whole thing. I want it all. I want him. I don't want to wait anymore. I have lived too long in the shadows...